Every time you feel in God's creatures something pleasing and attractive, do not let your attention be arrested by them alone, but, passing them by, transfer your thought to God and say: "O my God, if Thy creations are so full of beauty, delight and joy, how infinitely more full of beauty, delight and joy art Thou Thyself, Creator of all!
- Nicodemus of the Holy Mountain

You can’t get to joy by making everything perfect. You can only get there by seeing in every imperfection all that’s joy.
-Ann Voscamp

Friday, March 15, 2013

How Cupcake Said Goodbye

Sweet Cupcake

Cupcake had been unwell for the last couple months of her pregnancy.  Not so unwell as to be really ill, just unwell enough to cause me to wonder.  To wonder if I'd made a mistake in breeding her.  To wonder how she would handle labor and nursing kids again.  To think that I wouldn't breed her again.  Her heart just seemed to work harder than it should.  She seemed to breathe faster than she should.  Her feet hurt.  She's never had the best feet, and they seemed to be too weak to support her when she was so large.
Cupcake got really, really larger as her due date approached.  Her breathing got faster.  It was hard to watch her like that.  As her labor seemed to be starting, she seemed to work harder to breathe.  She was restless, unable to lay down all day.  It seemed her chest was congested, and she couldn't breathe when she laid down.  She began to choke/cough.  At midnight, she finally laid down, rasping out her breaths, quick and shallow.  At 2:00 AM, she began to choke up clear fluid, and lots of it.  It was awful.  She passed away at 8:00 AM.  The vet believes that she had a weak heart, and passed away from congestive heart failure.
I spent so much time second guessing how I'd handles everything, from breeding her to how I fed her.  It was a hard thing to go through.  I spent a lot of time praying for peace, and trying not to be anxious about the next two kiddings coming up...
Next time, I'll share about Panzy and Starlight's kiddings.  Thankfully, the stories get happier as they go. :)


  1. So, so sorry you had to go through this with your little Cupcake, Patty. In situations like this we feel so very helpless and that, of course, leads to questioning everything we've done . . . or might have done. It sounds as though she never would have been "right" so you can be glad she doesn't have to suffer anymore.

    Years ago we lost a doe (but she wasn't pregnant at the time) who seemed to go downhill much as Cupcake did. Eventually she couldn't get up although she didn't seem too distressed when she didn't move. We did an autopsy and the only thing that we could find was that her lungs seemed very hard and stiff. She was one of our original goats and a sweet girl. So hard to see the animals that we've grown close to leave us. Hugs to you . . . and thanks for sharing.

  2. Thanks, Mama Pea. I so appreciate how every goat owner (or former goat owner) has had such sweet words of encouragement for us. :) I can really see how it would be useful to do an autopsy (or have a vet do the necropsy). At the time, I really wanted to be DONE with the ordeal and move on, but I will always wonder.

  3. I came from Mama Pea's. I am so sorry to hear about Cupcake. I've had my share of difficult goat births so this post really touched me. Even when we do our best, sometimes bad things happen.