The following is part of an e-mail that I sent a fellow blogger (and neighbor) today. It pretty much sums up why I've been lacking on posts lately. I've been feeling a bit empty on ideas.
...However, my posts have been sparse as well. I'm getting a bit bored by winter and school. That probably sounds terrible, especially admitting I'm bored with school. I don't think it's school so much as the fact that that's all that's happening lately. And, I know I'm bored with looking at these same walls so much. You have to sit on your butt a lot, acting very patient as they drop their pencil for the tenth time, while teaching kids. I welcome that in the late fall, after all the work of harvest and butchering. Not so much now. Not exactly practicing thankfulness, am I?...
I did, however, just finish a book that was depressing and inspiring at the same time. As We Are Now, by May Sarton, is a short novel about the plight of the elderly. It's a peek into the mind of a woman approaching the end of her life, feeling unloved and unwanted. It's a hard read, but worth it. The thoughts the author opened my mind to are a whirling today. Now, I want to soak up love, touch, color, service to others, work and play...memories, I guess, saving them up for a day when my physical usefulness to others may be over. Saving up "family" for a day when I might be spending a lot of time alone. I feel grateful that I have children around me now. All too soon they'll be off living lives of their own.
There are other things whirling around in my brain because of the book as well. My own grandparents, the elders in our community. Who touches them? Can you imagine not being touched for days and days together? I am constantly touched, hugged and kissed by sticky little fingers and faces, loved on by husband, prayed over by family and friend alike. How many people sit alone in home or apartment, or nursing home with no family near? How many memories and how much wisdom passes silently out of this world, forgotten forever?
Well, now wasn't that just what you expected to read here today? ;)
that was a GREAT POST ,I will have to read that book,sounds interesting and I should stop whinning about all the sticky fingers at my house right now,its complicated,very stressful and sad at the same time, I tried to comment at "hardwork homestead" but she took my meaning the wrong way-I said we were trying to avoid a "Susan smith " incident-I don't know why its funny,maybe there are 2 Susan smith,because at our house this week,we are trying to prevent it and any other bad choices my former daughter-in-law has to harm herself-so needless to say ,yes I need more prayers and no the drama never stops around here.
ReplyDeleteStill prayin'! I'm not sure who Susan Smith is (I know, I'm so outa touch). However, I know a bit about watching people make poor choices, so like I said, still prayin'. Hugs!
DeleteThis is an excellent post, very thoughtful things. I actually am heartened to know that you sometimes feel that way while schooling, as I always look at the good homeschoolers and wonder how you can possibly keep that up day after day with such enthusiasm! Now I know - you have ups and downs too and that's NORMAL - you are a great mom and teacher, everything has a cycle
ReplyDeleteThanks, Erin. :) Glad to fill you in on the secret.
DeleteA very real, thought-provoking, insightful post, Patty. Not to say I'm happy you're going through this draggy period right now, but it sure helps me to know that I'm not the only one who occasionally falls off the hold-it-all-together, sensible, rational thinking bandwagon!! We're all in this together and I'm so grateful to have our group of bloggers so we can all support each other when necessary. Life isn't all sunshine and flowers . . . it's easy to be up and happy then. But there's nothing wrong with sharing feelings that don't feel so pretty good. I personally think it's good to get them out. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Mama Pea. I'm mostly off the "hold-it-all-together, sensible, rational thinking bandwagon", but usually okay with that. There's a lot to be said for knowing we can't hold it all together (who can?), being a little less than sensible (how could we ever dream?), and thinking a little irrationally. I think the bad days for me are the ones where I get a little too rational and serious. :)
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